Blog Twenty-Two: Resolutions for 2006

I've set three resolutions for 2006:

1. Lose 25 pounds. A modest pound-every-two-weeks goal, but given my proclivity for eating copius amounts of food, aggressive for me.

2. Don't swear in the presence of the Small Girl.

3. Kick Scott's ass in "Civilization 4." Oh no, wait, that's not a resolution. That's a promise.

The Blue Jays traded Corey Koskie to the Brewers yesterday for, basically, nothing; they were just dumping as much of his salary as they could. Koskie is Canadian, which was much trumpeted when they got him last year. Koskie is from a little town in Manitoba called Anola, and whenever the press referred to him, it was as "Anola, Manitoba native Corey Koskie." Never just Corey Koskie; never "Veteran infielder Corey Koskie." Always "Anola, Manitoba native Corey Koskie."

I like it when the press decides that a descriptive gerund or noun is a necessary part of someone's name. Tommy Lee had been a famous rock musician for twenty years before I knew that his first name wasn't "Rocker." He was always, in every reference to him in the mainstream press, "Rocker Tommy Lee." "Pamela Anderson and husband, rocker Tommy Lee" was the usual context.

Sometimes this shows wishful thinking. The Canadian press for a while was trying its best to make film director Atom Egoyan, who makes typical Canadian movies (unpleasant, low-budget films with incest and misery, that nobody watches) famous, and in so doing decided his wife, Arsinee Khanjian, was "Glamorous." So it was always "Atom Egoyan and his wife, glamorous Arsinee Khanjian." Khanjian isn't the slightest bit glamorous; she's not any better looking than a million other actresses and she's almost unknown to the average movie goer.

But it seems to add something to the name, so I've decided that from now on I'm no longer Rick
Jones; I'm "Studly Rick Jones." That's how I want to be referred as.

Just for kicks, a Small Girl pic has been added to this post.